So, I’m not one to show much PDA (public display of affection) and my husband and I are way past the romantic stage. Although we do love each other a lot and have been with each other for 14 years (I think?), the days of feeling butterflies in our stomachs are long gone, but not in a bad way if you know what I mean. He went away for a week with his friends and I am missing him dearly. (It honestly feels weird to be saying that out aloud!)
Now I’m not great on my own. I am a nervous wreck. All of sudden, I’m scared to be alone in the house. Well not really, I have Madeleine but she’s asleep now as I write this. I’m suddenly worried about things like a possible robbery. Overnight, I’ve activated the alarm system downstairs so that I sleep in peace. I’m worried about an intruder, so I’ve also locked the bedroom door whilst we are asleep. I’m worried about someone peering into my windows, so I’ve shut all the blinds. Am I going crazy?!
I’m so glad that I’m working because I honestly don’t know how I’d get through a full day of not seeing him. I know this makes me sound clingy, but I promise you I’m not! It’s the idea of coming home having dinner with your family, having someone that I can talk to about all the horrible things that happened at work, having someone there to help me feed and bath Madeleine and help me put her to sleep. I know I shouldn’t complain. There are many single mothers out there, some looking after multiple kids all by themselves. I have the utmost respect for them, how do they manage everything and how do they manage the loneliness?
So, I’ve put Madeleine to sleep, now what do I do? Who can I talk to? My issue is, I feel lonely yet I don’t want to call anyone up for a chat because it’s a Friday night and they probably have better plans. I hear you, it’s a viscous cycle and I shouldn’t be complaining! So I did a bit of cleaning up, had a Facebook conversation with my sister and then I headed to bed early.
What I’ve learnt from this experience is that I probably should appreciate him more. It took a week of his absence for me to realise how much I depend on him and how empty my life would be without him. I should nag less and remember to say thank you for all the hard work he does around the house. I’m not the greatest housewife and he makes up for that. I’m also not the greatest cook, but he eats all my food and complements how yummy it is. Sometimes, I look horrible, yet he complements on how beautiful I look. As a new mum, I’m usually sleep deprived and sometimes I let that cloud my perspective. It’s easy to focus on the negatives but I’ve come to realise how fantastic my husband really is. I miss him and I can’t wait for him to come home.