Our Marriage Has Changed

This post was featured on When Women Inspire Blog, you can read about it here

We didn’t really think about how having children will affect our relationship. We were just really excited. In fact, all my relationships with everyone around me have changed. I’ve learnt to appreciate my parents more, love my sister more and fight with my hubby way more than we used to!

Having kids will rock the boat and your marriage will change. This is a known fact. Sometimes for the better, and sadly, sometimes for the worst. We are lucky that we’ve known each other for a long time (13 years), so this meant that at least we know we can put up with each other. But even then, some marriages don’t make it, and that scares me.

I must admit, at times, it is hard. We get annoyed at each other alot more than we used to. We don’t beat around the bush when it comes to fights anymore, we fight to the point, our messages are clear about what we want. I guess this isn’t too bad since we get the fight over and done with and then we discuss about how to make it work for next time.

Last week, my mother in law said the more kids you have the more you fight. Which makes me a little irritated because that’s a huge generalisation. Considering she only had 2, I’m not quite sure where this assumption came from. Maybe from the lack of time spent with each other? But doesn’t absence make the heart grow fonder? From my experience so far, we definitely have less time for ourselves, but we make the most of any time we have together and appreciate it so much more.

Our text messages are to the point. No time to beat around the bush. It’s always “Can you buy milk” not the usual “hey baby, how’s your day going? I am thinking of you”. Haha this is funny because it felt like a life time ago we ever texted like this!

Even though our relationship isn’t the same anymore, one smile from my daughter, or seeing my daughter and hubby together is all it takes for me to fall in love all over again. All my frustration and anger disappears. I fall in love all over again, but it’s a different love, a deeper more appreciative love. A “you are the father of my baby” love not a “you are my sugar daddy” love. Jokes! Happy 13 years my love! Here’s to a lifetime of laughter, more kids, more quarrels, more adventures and so much more love!

27 thoughts on “Our Marriage Has Changed

    1. I think its something you don’t think about (well we didnt), but I’m glad we dated for a good decade before we embarked on this journey! It’s hard but we make it work and hopefully will continue to! He’s a great father and husband! ☺

      1. Awww 🙂 I’m putting together a post highlighting a few reads that I find meaningful.. it’ll publish tomorrow.. I’m including a link to your marriage post. I know it will touch other people too xx

      2. Oh that is so lovely of you! Thank you so much 🙂 will keep an eye out, all your posts have really helped us out for the very near future xx

  1. Children definitely change a relationship and you do have to continue to work at it. It is worth working for as you all need each other in so many ways. I find after over 20 years together and over 11 years married, even though we have our disagreements at times, I know my husband is the only person I can trust completely and he really is my best friend! Keep working at it, it will continue to evolve and change as your life does. Xo

    1. Thank you so much for dropping by and leaving such great advice! It definately has been a challenge, but a close friend said that the change from 0 baby to 1 baby is so much harder than 1 baby to 2 as you know what to expect. We fight almost every week but we both compromise and support each other and I think that’s the important bit! Xx

  2. Good post. It does change in the early years of child rearing but i think eventually, if you have a good marriage, it changes into a new normal. I felt that way as our daughter has gotten older (shes 3 1/2 years old). Of course it’ll never be the old way, but that’s ok because every age and every era has its own charm and if you text sweet nothings to each other, you’re never gonna have milk at home!

    1. Thank you so much for commenting! We have also realised that of course it’ll never be like it use to with just us two, but at the same time, I can’t remember what it was like before kids! I’m lucky that I have such a supportive husband. It’s good that we can both be honest and the main thing is that we work on how to make it better for next time! Haha yep there’s never enough milk! 😊😊😊

  3. We’ve been together 13 years (and married 9 of those) and definitely have wondered what changes will come with growing our family. I’m glad to hear that you two are continuing to make marriage work! That’s so great!

    1. Thanks so much for commenting! A close friend said the big change was from having no kids to having 1 baby but with subsequent babies, you kind of know what’s coming and by then you would have it ironed out. I think the main thing is to never stop communicating! Whether it be through a fight or talking it through afterwards! 😊😊😊 sometimes we laugh looking back because we fight about the silliest things!

  4. There is something so humbling when others share the stories that show their vulnerability. Thank you. Here’s to vulnerability and really living in all life’s messiness. Thanks to Christy B for highlighting your blog Carol. Hugs for you. xXx

    1. Hi Jane, thank you so much for dropping by! I’m glad you enjoyed reading my post. I find it easiest to write from the heart and hope that by sharing my experiences, other mums will know that they aren’t alone in feeling this. It’s easy to mask it and pretend life is perfect! 😊😊😊

      1. So ‘spot on’ and yes, none of us are perfect and no-one has a perfect life….there’s no such thing. We are all bricking it and doing our best aren’t we? When writing comes straight from the heart, as yours does, then others feel it. Write on my lovely, for you touch others’ hearts. <3 Xx

    1. Yes! That is exactly right! Have a family is something I didn’t think I needed until we actually had a baby! You really don’t know what you’re missing out on until you’re on the other side. I can’t imagine life without kids anymore!

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