About two years ago, I ordered a hot chocolate instead of my normal latte from my work cafe and the barista picked up on the fact that I might be pregnant. I was 10 weeks into my journey at the time, and because the first trimester was almost over, I decided to let her in on my secret. Her response was, “Wow it is good that you are having a baby whilst you are still young”. I didn’t know it at the time, but she had struggled to fall pregnant after years of failed IVF treatments.
I continued to order my hot chocolate from this woman everyday leading up to my birth. She would ask me daily how I was feeling and asked to touch my belly almost weekly. After I gave birth, I didn’t see her again, until 2 weeks ago. I sat with my daughter and my hubby in the cafe eating afternoon tea after my shift. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to speak to her but we waved at each other from a distance.
Today I ordered my normal latte from her and she didn’t acknowledge me or say hi. She seemed distant and it was as if we didn’t know each other. I thought it was odd at the time, but a friend informed me of her infertility and it was probably too painful for her to talk to me. My heart sunk. Looking back, I reminded her daily of what she couldn’t have. I reminded her of all the painful medicare bills from failed IVF treatments. I reminded her that she couldn’t fall pregnant.
I understood her behaviour straight away, but was aching deep down inside, how was I able to have a baby but she couldn’t? Why does the world work like this? Why was I picked? I wished I could give her a hug and tell her not to give up hope, which her response would probably be, how would you know the pain that I’m going through? You are definitely correct, I don’t know. I walked away feeling my heart ache for women who can’t have kids. I can’t relate to the pain that they go through to see other woman pregnant or laughing with their baby.
No I don’t completely understand what it feels like to have negative pregnancy tests over and over again.
I don’t know what it’s like to have a miscarriage.
I don’t know the financial pressure IVF causes.
I don’t know the endless pain from needles and IVF procedures.
But, I am a good friend and I can listen. I can offer hugs and offer my support. Please don’t write me off, I know it’s hard, but I am here for you! It’s okay if it hurts to talk to me right now, but please know that I understand. I understand why you hate me and I don’t blame you. When you are ready, I will be here to talk to you.