I Was Not Ready For Motherhood

Don’t get me wrong,  I love my daughter, I love everything about her and there’s not a minute that passes where I don’t feel grateful and completely lucky. But, motherhood is so much harder than I thought it would be.

­­­‌‍‎‎‎‎‎‎‏‏­­­­My husband and I had been married for about 3 years already when we decided it was time to have kids. I mean, it felt right, we had a house, we travelled a bit, and we were in a good financial spot for us to start a family. I fell pregnant almost immediately (yes, we are incredibly lucky) and I was 28. We were so incredibly happy and excited for the changes that were about to happen to our ordinary lives. We started googling every single thing that could be happening in my little belly and each week, we’d read updates on the pregnancy app. We were so excited!

I had a relatively easy pregnancy,  with no complications besides the normal tiredness and nausea. Before we knew it, I was 39 weeks pregnant and we were counting the days down to my due date. My birth, fortunately, was actually quite a pleasant experience. I had an epidural and the pain was minimal,  or maybe I’ve forgotten now that it was 10 months ago! After 12 hours of labour, the nurse handed me my beautiful baby girl, so small,  so precious and so innocent. It was love at first sight.

Although I had plenty of support, I didn’t have many friends or families with babies. Looking back now, I actually had no freakin’ idea about babies at all. Nothing! So I had no idea what was about to hit me. Carrying the baby and giving birth was probably the easy part, looking after a baby,  well that’s a whole new ball game…

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Photo taken at Daylesford, Australia – 38 weeks pregnant
Wearing Asos Maternity Dress with Glassons Cardigan

The next 5 days was probably the hardest, especially the day my milk came through. I had so much milk that I did not have a single bra in the house that would fit. My poor husband was sent out to Target to browse the women’s underwear section,  which made a few heads turn and not in a good way! Not to mention,  my poor nipples,  we’re so cracked, so sore and bleeding that I would cringe every time I had to feed my baby. It took everything I had inside of me,  to persevere with breastfeeding. Looking back, I was so silly, I should’ve known, fed is best and it doesn’t matter which way you choose to feed your baby as long as she’s fed.

By the end of the first week, we started to get the hang of things, we learnt how to put a nappy on properly (so that it wouldn’t leak), we learnt that we needed way more than the 4 onsies we had previously bought for her (no one told me that babies puke and poo ALOT, especially mid change!) We learnt that newborns make ALOT of noise in their sleep and thats normal, so you can relax and go back to sleep instead of staying up checking whether or not she’s still breathing!

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Wearing Fifth the Label Dress (old season) with Lacoste Sneakers

My husband and I fought alot during the first few weeks, there were many hard times but we supported each other and we made it through. Fast forward 10 months, it hasn’t been too bad. Sleep deprivation was probably the worst, it made me cranky, it made me anti-social and worst, it made me sad as I would snap it at my husband and at my baby. Maddie had a breast attachment issue as I was feeding her to sleep, so for a long while, she could not fall alseep on her own, waking up almost every 1 to 2 hours overnight. Yep, it was definitely hard. When she turned 7 months, I had had enough and we decided to sleep train her (the pick up and put down method) and it was probably the best thing I did for her and our family.

2 thoughts on “I Was Not Ready For Motherhood

  1. you are not alone. I felt the same way when I was a new mommy. So much sleep deprivation. Definitely normal. Also, my daughter had the “Attachment nursing” thing too. IT was horrible for me. It was difficult for us to break her too. Thank God we made it through. All my best to you

    1. Thank you for commenting! It’s good to know that some mothers go through this too, I definately wouldn’t be able to make it through without talking about my experiences and sharing it with others. The attachment nursing is the worst! I will be sure not to do that when we have a second! It took us many weeks to break it… sleep deprivation is something you learn to live with, luckily it doesn’t last too long! 😊😊😊

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